I've never been wasted after an English exam. Never, until now.
Yesterday's qualifying exam for the BSE English was the most brain-draining English exam I ever had during my almost-seventeen years of existence. English used to be the easiest part for me in every major exam I take, but yesterday... Geez.
The Cloze Test was really
ugh, and it was my first time to encounter that kind of exam. And the Literature part... Literature! I knew that would be my weak part since that wasn't much concentrated on in my high school, and I only relied to my personal readings and knowledge. But I didn't think I would be a sucker in it like
that!I really wanted to cry after the exam. I
cried after the exam. In fact, I was still depressed.
Anyway, I still have a fair chance of passing. The cut-off score is 175 (over around 240), and I got 124. There is still an essay part, which have 65 points. Which means I only need 51 points.
Effin' fifty-one points!
I want BSE English. I want it so
badly. That was my dream even before--to be an English teacher. I want to pass. I
need to pass.
Please God, let me pass. I need your prayers guys. T.T
Labels: blah, BSE English, college life, exam, freshie
I realized why we were the always one of the first universities that open classes, and probably the last one to end it. Since my school is a university for teacher education, and fourth year students are on their FS (Field Study, or OJT), so we had to open classes when the elementary and high schools start theirs.
We jokingly call this being
'hapit'.
So our second semester started this November 2. It was sort of annoying because no one except our Eng2 professor showed up for class that day. And our Eng2 prof was the prof we had for Eng1, so it wasn't that exciting. Our MIA professors was gone for the first week of the sem, which isn't really unusual at all. Somehow, I am getting used to it.
Btw, I would like to say that out schedule sucks.
I used to wish for
exactly this kind of schedule and lo! It came true! Only, I realized it wasn't really awesome at all. It was a bit--no, not just "a bit"--scary when we go home at night so we always walk in groups. Then I was all tired whenever I got home--only, I wasn't
that tired to stop my usual every night
telebabad. *shot*
In a way, our current schedule is good because I could avoid being late. I SHOULD avoid being late.
I also keep a new journal now for the second sem. I really keep a personal "diary" aside from my blog. 'Ya know, to write all my crap. The cover says, "A life of challenges is like a work of art. The more colors there are, the more beautiful it becomes," which is inspiring before I do my daily ramblings.
I am very positive for this semester. I hope things will be fine, unlike what happened during my first semester. I hope I would stick with the "resolution" I made with myself, and I will do all my best to make this sem a happy and productive one. :)
Labels: college life, freshie
I couldn't say that the first semester of my firth year in college in superb. It wasn't hateful, either. But when it ended, I was glad it did.
It started okay--more than okay, in fact. It was awesome even on the day one. I had "friends" right away. Well, not really
friends for that word mean something more. Anyway, I got along with them right way. We were friendly.
I liked the environment and my college life. I thought my school is really cool, and I knew this--doing
this--was what I wanted.
[School Affiliations]Then we got busy.
I got busy. I joined
eight organizations, and I passed in almost all of them. In the end, I had to lower it down to three (PNU Nami, a Japanese-oriented org; The Torch Publications, our school paper, and PNU Debate Society). Later I had to give up Nami. Then I got busier and I had difficulty in fixing my schedule so I only kept DebSoc in the end.
I guess I was in the period of searching my "place" in school that time, of setting my priorities. I had wanted to keep in college the interests I have and had in high school--singing in choir and writing for school paper--but I became affiliated with DebSoc (I am still a probee at the moment), and I had trouble deciding. I chose DebSoc for many reason, but the edge on it over choosing The Torch was small.
I didn't regret it that I sacrifice them over DebSoc because I found a sort of family here, and I never though I'd like it this much. Though, of course, there were times I missed my passions. However, I am still a member of St. Tarcisius Choir in Landayan though I cannot sing regularly because of my class schedule, and I still write (although it's not a campus journalism).
[Academic Stuff]I also had a little difficulty in adjusting college life and my new environment. I didn't rent in a dorm and I had to travel my way from San Pedro to Manila everyday, then back to Laguna. So I am always exhausted. I barely had energy when I get home.
Add the fact that punctuality and Ivy don't fall on the same place. It was habit--or sickness, rather--since I-can't-remember-when which I had carried until now. I really had difficulty in adjusting. My classes for the first sem had been 7am and 8:30AM and I was always late. I missed many quizzes and activities in Physical Sciences, as well as the second part of my final exam. Imagine! Good thing my professor was really kind and understanding and considerate. He still gave me a grade for my finals, which is the lowest score of the class minus ten. A forty-eight over one hundred.
Then there was Fil1. There we have this awesome but strict professor. Ironically, I was always late in his class when I put extra effort to go to school early. Lots of things always happened that result to my tardiness. I know it is not right to compare, and that I am wrong, but I couldn't help but think that he always pick on me. In total I have four late's and three absences in his class, and there were students who have more that mine, but I was the one that he always scold, to the point I feel somewhat humiliated. I know I am wrong, I really am. But the admiration I had for my professor (admiration because he was an awesome teacher) turned into fear, then to almost-disgust.
I still admire him, and I know he did that because he
had to, but I couldn't help but to feel a little bad. There was my understanding, of course. But the important thing is I learned from my mistake. I really learned.
[Spirituality]Since I studied in a private, Catholic school from half of my elementary years to high school, I was surrounded by people who more likely have the same beliefs as mine. College is a different thing. I am in a state university with people from different walks of life, who have really different principles and ideals from mine, and although I respect other people's beliefs, I was never
this exposed.
One of those differences in religion. My schoolmates are from different religions. There were Muslims, Iglesia ni Kristo, and many were Christians. I think the school was dominated buy Catholic though, although Christians are more active.
I enjoyed talking to my Christian classmates, and we share our ideas and beliefs, although of course sometimes we don't agree with each other.
I had many realizations. I was sort of "enlightened". We were invited by Psyche, my Christian classmate, in a sort of "fellowship". I do not know what is really called, but we sing and then a speaker shared things about the Bible.
I
am still a Catholic, but I must say there was a change in me. I was a Roman Catholic before, but now I can say I am a Catholic Christian. For me, there was a difference. I knew Him more, and had better relationship with Him, and I hope it will continue.
There was one thing that Psyche said that I really liked:
"Religion cannot save you. And importante yung faith mo saka yung relationship mo kay God."
Though in my own belief, faith should be accompanied with good deeds, I agree with her.
[Friends]I missed my high school friends. They were, of course, a whole lot different from my college buddies.
I have many "friends", lots of acquaintances, though there were a few of really close and true friends. Before I had them, our friendships had undergone many difficulties, misunderstanding, experiences.
I admit I am a really "unique" person. Well, I am somewhat different and eccentric. I have strong personality, and I was often misunderstood at first. Then when people got closer to me, they probably realized they're wrong, or probably they just became used to my complicated personality. Though in college it was different.
I was sort of a "click" at first. I could say my classmates immediately liked me. Then as days pass, things become somehow different. I probably became a asshole, or most probably I wasn't able to meet their expectations, or the image they thought me as. Things weren't
that bad though. Those things aren't really that obvious, but because I have this little "paranoia" and I usually assess situations, I realized these things.
There were people whom I beginning to like too. There was classmate of mine who started as my "stalker" because she was always taking stolen pictures from me. She was really silent at first, but when I got to know her more, she is really talkative. We're sort of "close" right now she even let me sleep over at their house when we had practice until night from PE cheering, though I still couldn't say that she's one of my closest friends. There is a long way to come.
There were other people too which I am fond of, though of course, nothing still beats my high school friends. I always try to keep our communications open and relationships intact. I try to see Ayyah and Lea once in a while. Nothing changed between Jette and I, it was just the physical presence that was gone, but we still talk for hours over the telephone almost every night. We still see our other friends too in "parties" or informal get-together's. I usually see Eday and my other friends from the star section and we still talk and laugh like before.
There are many things that had changed between us, but the friendship is still there, and I hope it will be always there.
--
There are many things that happened between my high school life and college life. I know I've changed, although that wasn't very obvious at first. I used to fear change, but now I've already "overcome" it. I just hope we would change for the better and not for the worse.
My first sem wasn't really that bad because I learned so many things, but I wish and I would make the next one better.
P.S.
College life makes things a bit complicated, especially in my online life. LOL. So now my online life is dying a little, and although it's not alive and kicking, it's still breathing. ;)
Labels: college life, DebSoc, freshie, friends, personal, school affliation, self, The Torch
These past few weeks, I've been having a feeling of being bored. I have a feeling that... maybe, there is something missing. I cannot really pinpoint it.
I know I am not in my self. I am not as lively as I really am. There were a lot of time when I am preoccupied. I stopped talking too much and laughing out loud and become quiet, which is so unusual of me.
People around me notice my behavior too. There were a lot of classmates who told their observations to me.
Paula: Parang iba ka ngayon, Ivy.
Me: Panong iba?
Paula: Parang di ko maramdaman yung energy mo.
Me: *sigh* Ako din eh, di ko maramdaman energy ko.
Anne: Parang maputla ka ngayon.
Me: O?
Anne: Oo. Pagod ka ba?
I am not really tired lately, since I don't have much work to do in school and in my orgs now. I have enough sleep too. So I don't really know what's the problem with me.
When I question myself about my unusual behavior, I couldn't find an answer. Maybe, just maybe, something is missing in my life. But I am not really sure, because I don't know what's really missing.
I hope I would be back to my normal self soon.
Labels: self
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